A Memory, of Sorts...

Tractor tire prints in the dirt on the farm. - Cedar Creek, Nebraska.

If you would've told me a few years ago how drastically my life would change, I would've laughed you out the door and into next Tuesday. Never in a million years would I have thought I would ever see my world get turned in so many different directions...lifted, dropped and twisted around, only to change for the better - and contrary to the opinions of others, Even though there were lows and highs, I wouldn't change a bit of it for anything.
After graduating high school, no one was more excited than I was to move on with life and to start fresh; however, my mind was just set on making it through the summer. Little did I know that from this point on, my life would never be the same. The next thing I know, I'm sitting on a Qantas flight out of LAX into Sydney, Australia. I thought I knew what I was getting into, having been to Australia the year before with People to People Ambassador Programs. However, National Geographic Student Expeditions took it to a whole new level. I had read the brochures and handouts that I was given prior to departure, yet what they all failed to tell me was the multitude of knowledge that I would acquire, the new friends that I would make (and still keep in touch with to this day) and how I would lose myself completely, only to find a better me...all in less than a month's time. None of the pictures that anyone could've shown me would've really opened my eyes to the beauty of all that I would experience - and that was what made it all the more special. The beginnings of this dramatic change that took place in my life is unexplainable. I don't even know how to describe it to myself while looking back on it all. I just know that I could relive every second of it over and over again and never be tired of it. I know it was a good thing. The moments I was most scared of are now my favorite memories to recall and are the turning points of my transformation. It seemed that it was all over in the blink of an eye. But it's treasured forever in my heart. Once back at home, reality started to hit me - I hadn't seen or talked to anyone from my graduating class. My first reaction was "is this normal?" I didn't know...and after some time, realized I didn't care enough to actually ask. You have to let go to move on, right? Nothing wonderful ever came from holding onto the past. All I knew was that I was completely happy with life now - that I was headed somewhere up and away from all the negativity I had experienced before. I was ready for anything that life was about to throw my way. I was soaring...I craved that fresh start and drastic change that college was going to give me.

I was quickly moved into college and wished good luck. While in that moment I thought luck was the last thing I would ever acquire, it turned out that it was with me all the time. Being happily accepted into a sorority, getting along fairly well with my roommate and making it to all of my classes, I would say that first semester was looking up. Yet, everyday was a new battle to me. Trying to overcome my shyness and insecurities wasn't something that was very successful for me while living all on my own. There were plenty of phone-calls home that consisted of many tears followed up by words of reassurance on the other end of the call. I knew that things would get better - I believed they would. Eventually, I ventured out of my room and met people. Everyday from that point on I had a new reason to love my school and feel positive about what I was doing with my life. I finally felt happy - like I was going somewhere. But who knew that freshman year could fly by so fast? As the summer before sophomore year sped to a close, it was easy to see how much better my life had become in such a short amount of time. It was truly unbelievable…and I didn't think that it could get any better from there. Yet again, I was mistaken. The transformation of shy-insecure-freshman me into a less shy-insecure-timid me was great, but apparently it could get better.
Sophomore year commenced and so did another self-transformation. At first, I was so afraid and negative about living in a sorority house with nearly 70 other women. Who knew that in over a week's time I would be closer than "white on rice" with a good bunch of them. These girls are really my sisters and I couldn't imagine my life at college without them. Looking back on freshman year, I see a small, shy, introverted girl, constantly held back by walls she built up on her own to shut things and people out. I realized that she was merely a shell of a person that I had left behind…a memory, of sorts…an image of who I once was, of someone I never wanted to return to being. The amount of happiness I felt inside of me and outside of me overflowed - and continues to do so. I guess you could say that I'm glowing. There aren't a lot of things that can wipe the smile off of my face nowadays. I've come so far, yet I've only begun. It's exhilarating. I've never felt more alive.
Now, while there had been plenty of what some people would call "downfalls" in my life, there have also been an overabundant amount of successes - even in such a short amount of time since this great transformation. Granted, I have lost touch with so many people that I thought I would never lose contact with, yet I believe that it was all for the better. I wouldn't have my life any other way. Who knew there was so much more room to grow? Who knew experiences that I thought were awesome, could be better? I guess that's the funny thing about life though…you challenge it and it soars higher, past all expectations. Time is truly a wonderful thing if you take your hands off the wheel long enough to enjoy the ride…and I can't wait to see what's next.